MAN UP, MAN DOWN….

Hi everyone,

I hope each and every one of you are adjusting to the gradual ease of lockdown, and that you have all been able to remain safe and well over the

past couple of weeks!

I am beyond happy to share another incredibly heartfelt poem from ‘M’, which she has titled ‘Men Can Cry’… I really do love this, it epitomises to perfection the issues, the stigma, and the harsh reality that surrounds mental health issues in men. Thankfully, we are all generally becoming a little more aware that men suffer with exactly the same mental wellbeing issues as anyone else… and it is vital that we acknowledge, (and sooner, rather than later), just how prevalent anxiety, depression, OCD, and a whole host of other wellbeing issues are in men. I add ‘sooner, rather than later’ for the stark truth that suicide in men is HIGH, and I am not remotely surprised at that! They are literally conditioned to spend a lifetime being inauthentic where their feelings and emotions are concerned, because heaven forbid they may crumble and fall… for some inexplicable reason societal expectation over the generations has resulted in it being unthinkable that any male might express any emotions that indicate anything other than strength, masculinity and a sense of being tough and unbreakable!

The thing is, it is all embedded within males from a very early age, for example, the first time a little boy falls or bangs his head he might be told not to cry… ‘boys don’t cry’ comes the taunt!…’It’s only a graze…you’ll be alright’! Of course, these dismissive words aren’t intended to be cruel, they are used as a means to ensure that a precious son grows to feel invincible. This doesn’t take away any of the physical pain or embarrassment, and leads only to the belief that he must be weak, inadequate, or there must be something wrong with him, and he must surely be different to other boys!

The sad thing is that he is no different to any other child, male or female, his hurt is very real, and he is entitled to feel that hurt as much as any other living being…too late though, the seed of self- doubt is sown, and the downward spiral has begun, all too often leading to psychological darkness and a helpless sense of isolation. A gripping fear of sharing stems from the innate knowledge that if the vulnerable side of ‘self’ is laid bare he will be labelled weak, a lightweight, a melt, a snowflake, and any number of other derogatory terms. He will become emasculated, and further struggle to maintain the crippling façade that he is expected to keep firmly in place. He ‘knows’ for certain that if there is a visible chink in his warrior like armour he will be ridiculed and be told to ‘grow a pair’, ‘get a grip’, ‘keep a lid on it’, and perhaps most insulting of all told to ‘MAN UP’!

Life is often akin to a battlefield…lurking around every corner there are issues surrounding money, health, sexuality, career, endeavouring to achieve the ideal masculine physique peddled via social media on a daily basis, relationships and the list goes on…it can seem that there is always another enemy in waiting, ready and willing to obliterate self -worth, shooting ruthless bullets through the targets core until it is beyond all recognition. The difference is that on a real battlefield, when a soldier is injured his comrades will shout ‘MAN DOWN’, signalling that he is in need of help and attention.

Psychological injury is no different, it is simply INVISIBLE to the eye! If we could only all take the time to read the signs that the men in our lives are struggling with their mental health the world might just be a considerably better place. For a start there would be much less aggression and violence, and subsequently fewer males incarcerated in our prisons. Those with mental health issues will often turn to drugs or alcohol, or find solace in high risk activities, again often resulting in imprisonment. Spotting the signs is not exclusive to mental health professionals, it is something we can all do.

• We can recognise anger and communicate.
• We can be aware of anxiety and soothe.
• We can gently encourage our male friends, partners and family to come back into the fold when they withdraw.
• We can notice when we see sadness, or recognise when someone is sleeping much more or less than usual.
• We can be aware of a change in eating habits.
• We can be aware of new aches and pains that are potentially psychosomatic.
• We can display patience when sexual desire or performance is diminished.
• We can give the opportunity to talk. Above all, we can show kindness and compassion, and when we hear those fatal words ‘MAN UP’ we can be sure that lurking beneath is a ‘MAN DOWN’…and we have our cue to tend to our wounded!

Thank you all for your support and kind words, and special thanks once again to ‘M’ for her contribution to this post…I hope you are all as inspired by it as I have been.

Take care, stay safe, and my very best wishes to you all!

X

Men Can Cry

When people find out you have mental health issues,

They throw egg shells on the floor and then complain about

Walking on them. 

They transform you into glass. Glass to be protected,

glass too fragile, too easily breakable

To be held and wondered at.

They try to fill your eyes with sand, 

To protect themselves from the flood.

‘Men Don’t cry’ they say. 

They turn themselves into conscription posters, 

Intent on telling you, 

Your need to fight. 

The need to keep fighting

 They loose you in translation while you cry out in their mother tongue.

They view you no longer as an individual, 

But as a number, a percentage, a medical condition a statistic. 

They reduce you to a scale of 1-10

They throw drugs at you while threatening ‘they’re your last chance’ 

And wonder why a third of men haven’t discussed mental health issues.