My Chimp Within

A message from Melanie…..

A very warm hello to all of you who are very kindly taking the time out to take a look at my newly revised website! Some of you will be existing clients, some of you may be former clients, and others among you may simply be looking to find a therapist that matches your individual needs…but whoever you are, and wherever you are, I hope that you find at least some elements of my work useful, and perhaps even inspiring! Those of you who know me will know that I am wholly committed to my work, and no matter how many clients I am fortunate enough to work with, I am eternally racking my brains for additional ways in which I can reach out and provide a helping hand to as many people as is possible. With this in mind, I am FINALLY entering the world of technology, and as much as I am not ordinarily a fan of social media, I have to simply accept that it is definitely the way forward! I have been ‘thinking’ for a long time about beginning a Blog, and I can procrastinate no more. (Yes, even therapists put things off for fear of failure…!) So this is where I begin to travel, and explore, a new path on my journey!

I am so often inspired by my clients, but one particular client, (who’s identity shall currently remain nameless for the purpose of confidentiality) has truly inspired me with her creative writing. She often brings me poetry, and shares her dreams of one day seeing the book that she will one day write, on the shelf of a well- known book store (one that also gives us the opportunity to drink the most delicious of coffee whilst seated safely and comfortably in their aesthetically pleasing stores!) For now, this girl would like to be referred to as ‘M’, and so ‘M’ it is! Like all of my clients ‘M’ has travelled a road that has been long and winding, a road that has not always afforded her the most beautiful of views, and has so often brought her to the depths of despair. She is a courageous and beautiful human being, who has battled tirelessly along her journey, overcoming a minefield of mental health issues created by tragic, and unnecessary pain inflicted on her by those who have known no better. To me, her work is wonderful, quite possibly because she writes from her heart, and is never afraid to share her very deepest emotions. There was a time when she hid away from the world, but now she is not afraid to shine, and is looking forward to the bright and successful future that she has so often not dared to dream of.

With ‘M’s permission I am sharing her poem, ‘My Chimp Within’, and I truly hope that you are able to enjoy her work with the enthusiasm of which it is deserving. As you read ‘M’s work please remember the journey that she travelled prior to seeking guidance, and know that ANYTHING is possible!

With ‘M’s permission

‘M’s poem is read in just a few minutes, but captures key aspects of her therapeutic journey beautifully, and is certainly worthy of being read, read, and read again. Her recovery has not simply manifested with the wave of a magic wand, but taken a great deal of time and effort on her part. When I first met ‘M’ she knew that she not only WANTED to make changes to her way of being, but actually NEEDED to, because if she didn’t, all her hopes, dreams and aspirations would amount to nothing, and that she herself would amount to little more than a sad memory in the minds of those who love her.

‘M’ took a courageous leap into unknown territory when she sought therapy…she had no idea of what lay at the other side of her process, and had no clue as to how rocky her road to self- discovery might be. There was no way of her knowing whether her journey would be successful, all she knew was that she simply HAD to do something! In her own words, her journey has been a rollercoaster, sometimes thrilling, and often scary as hell!

No therapist can be with us 24/7, and so we have to learn the art of taking responsibility for our own recovery, and believe me, it is an art, because when we are so low, it genuinely feels as though we can go no further. All we want is to give up, or for someone, anyone, to literally carry us through our despair. That is why I refer to reaching out for help and guidance as an act of courage, we are displaying faith, and a great deal of trust, in the person that we choose to travel our journey with us. We already judge ourselves quite harshly, and so there is an innate fear that if we share our troubles, others too may judge us. We move forward, we take hold of the helping hand, and tread gingerly into the unknown, in the desperate hope that we are able to catch even the smallest sliver of light from the depths of our very dark well.

‘M’ took her responsibility to self seriously, and sought peace and hope in the most simple of activities. Taking walks with her partner, saying ‘hello’ to a stranger, writing her feelings in a journal, reviving her passion for cooking and baking, learning to communicate with her family, and reading. Being a creative writing student, ‘M’ loves not only to write, but also to read, and one of the books she chose to read was the excellent book written by Professor Steve Peters, The Chimp Paradox, The Mind Management. (I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is seeking change, or even just to understand themselves better!) It was this book that further inspired her to explore her own way of being, and her own ‘chimp’ and ultimately to write her poem ‘My Chimp Within’. She speaks directly to her chimp in the piece, she recognises it’s presence, and above all accepts it as being a valuable part of self. She has replaced self-loathing with self-acceptance, working with that which she can change, and embracing that which she cannot.

Each and every one of us has our own issues, our own troubles, our own ‘demons’, and our own life experiences. It is rarely the experience itself that creates our end destination, but the way in which we interpret it. We can never erase our life encounters, we can simply acknowledge them, and learn to nurture ourselves in the same way in which we would comfort others in similar circumstances. We all have a path, often several, throughout our lives, some good, some not so good, and some that are downright destructive, but if we can learn in time to accept our woes, we can allow ourselves to once again look for that sliver of light.

MY CHIMP WITHIN

You were born at 12.01 on a Tuesday in November, and so was I,

We look the same but have huge differences

I am human

YOU are part of my machinery.

I didn’t want you

I was given you

Like my brown hair, freckles, and a lazy left eye.

We have two different brains, even though you live in mine,

I see in colour

You see in black and white

I think logically, you think emotionally

We are constantly in battle, and most times you win.

If we were in court your evidence would be circumstantial

But I always believe

Or believed.

You are paranoid, irrational, and childlike

You jump to conclusions and you are catastrophic

Constantly in a state of worry.

You used to cause my extreme pain,

I had to decide if you were my friend or my enemy,

Now I am learning to tame you

I do it through nurture

I make you feel safe, secure, and most importantly, loved.

I used to chastise, but now I scatter praise

I am learning to manage you

To stop you from hijacking me

I exercise you out of your cage, and run wild without judgement,

Before I box you away and feed you a banana.

Although we still fight for control of my grey matter

I know you are trying to protect me,

You warn me of dangers I might not see

Your primitive drive helps us both to survive.

I am learning to prepare for your tantrums,

And finding what will upset you,

I’m learning to celebrate our achievements with you,

And shielding myself from your doom and gloom.

After all, you will be in my life forever, living in my brain

Sharing thoughts and feelings

We might as well make friends.

By ‘M’

Over the coming weeks I will bring you more of ‘M’s work, and endeavour to bring a little insight to some of the issues that I work with. A massive thank you not only to ‘M’, but to anyone who has taken their valuable time to read this!

Please do take care, and above all, stay safe!

Mel xx